A local autistic woman was spotted bringing in the mail the other day, much to the delight and inspiration of her neighbors.
“I’ve never seen anything so amazing,” said local gossip Noe Zee. “There I was, weeding the dahlias and wondering whether I could convince my soon-to-be-ex-husband to trade me our time-share in Boca for custody of the poodle, when I look up and the autistic neighbor is opening the mailbox! And getting out the mail! And carrying it inside!
“It really makes me think there’s nothing I can’t extort out of that weaselly slimeball now,” she said proudly, clutching a handful of shredded flower parts.
For many years, researchers have debated whether autistic people get the mail, or if they really get the mail.
“When it comes to the autistic person, you don’t really have mail,” said long-dead child-abuse researcher Ivar Saavol. “You have an envelope and a return address and a stamp, but you don’t have the mail. You have to build the mail. That’s why parents of these tragic burdens on society need to read my publication, The MAIL Book.”
When asked whether that meant the autistic woman would probably open those pre-approved credit card offers instead of throwing them away, Saavol said, “Probably. It’s a lifelong tragedy.”