Autistic Woman Throws Out That High School Mix Tape From That Ex-Boyfriend She’s Been Keeping For, Like, Twenty Years

A local autistic woman threw out a box of dusty crap no one looks at anymore, including that high school mix tape from that ex-boyfriend she had when she was, like, fourteen.

“It was fucking amazing,” said the autistic woman’s clearly platonic gal pal roommate.  “All I could do was stand there, pumping my fist in the air and shouting ‘YEEEAAH!’  That mix tape was the worst thing I’d ever heard.  And I only heard it once – like, nobody’s listened to that thing since we moved in together, and we only did it then because we were way drunk.”

The autistic woman’s roommate celebrated further by planting a merely friendly kiss with platonic tongue on the autistic woman as she returned from the trash can.

The tape, which journalists fished from the trash, was labeled “Guess Who Likes U” and contained a hit parade of the worst songs of 1996, including Quad City DJs’ “Come On N Ride It,” Los Del Rio’s “Macarena,” and the entire collected works of Toni Braxton.

Autism experts say that the severe lack of empathy or emotional attachment suffered by those tragically adjacent to the vicinity of being touched by a discussion of a diagnosis consistent with nearness to the perimeter of the spectrum of identified disorders consistent in their presentation with the condition known as autism is what likely resulted in the autistic woman keeping this tape for twenty years in spite of the horribleness of its contents.

 

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